Day 8, The Future. 31 Days of Being A New Mom

I sometimes (Okay, often) (..Okay, really, really often) think about the future. 

What will O be like? Will she still be a sweet, little girl? I sure hope so. I'd like to think that I wouldn't bring up a little menace, but that seems to happen sometimes, even with the best of parenting. I've seen it, first hand. And that's what scares me to death.

Will she still like me? ..Better question, will I still be her favorite? 

Will she still find time for me? 

And then I think, will she take all of my advice? Or will she be like me, and insist on learning everything on her own. 

Will she be like me? Not that that's a bad thing, at all. I was actually a very good kid, from what I've been told. 
Or will she be like her father? 

Will she be bullied in school? And if so, how in the heck am I going to deal with that? I can't exactly go rampaging through the school, find the child's parents and yell at them... I say this, because my mom did that very thing when I was bullied.. It made things 100x worse, in case anyone was wondering.

Is she going to be one of those teenagers that sneaks out at night? And hides things from me? God, I hope not. I'm not sure I'd be able to handle that. 

Or will she be the kind of teenager that is more into schoolwork, and puts socializing on the back burner. 

Is she going to be a picky eater and want only chicken nuggets every day of her life? Or will she actually be a well-rounded eater and enjoy the vegetables. (Doubt it..but hey, I can dream, right?)

I think of all of these things, and more, on a daily basis. Because I am absolutely scared to death of the future. I'm excited to see how she's going to grow up, don't get me wrong. But there's a good and bad side to everything in life.. especially children growing up.

You can't force them into being the person you want or expect them to be. It doesn't work like that. I was the victim of one of those very situations, where my dad wanted me to be something I would never, ever be. He had such high expectations of me. Which wasn't a bad thing, but he took it to a whole other level. He made me want to rebel, and I normally wouldn't have had those feelings if it hadn't have been for him. 

Being a mom, a parent in general, is a really difficult thing. You have to try and mold your child into a respectable adult without the molding... How is that even possible? You have to try and guide them in the right way; give them a little push in the right direction. But what if they don't take it? 

Gosh, I'm getting ahead of myself here. I think a case of word vomit has ensued, and I apologize. But see? My worries of the future, right there, in black and white. I need to learn to just let things happen, "go with the flow", as they say. Everything will happen just how it's supposed to. All I'm meant to do is go along for the ride and to always be easily accessible emotionally and physically. That's it, really. And I need to remember this, forever. 

Olive, please.. stay little for just a little longer. Because I'm not sure I'd be able to handle you getting bigger right now. 

xo, Jess.