Waiting.

Vaughn has officially left for Pendleton today, at around 2pm. And of course, I'm heartbroken. This is the first time Vaughn and I have been away from one another for more than a day. Actually, no, HALF a day. It's pathetic, I know, but I don't care. Vaughn is my other half, my best friend, my support. He's my rock- he keeps me strong, grounded. Without him I just feel...well, like a mess. 

On another note, that leaves 3 days til Vaughn gets back. Three days of pretty much just resting, 24/7, in hopes that little Olive will stick it out until Wednesday night. I don't think she'll come before he gets back but hey, I thought she was going to come early too...and that clearly didn't happen. She definitely enjoys pulling my leg, just like Vaughn, but I'm hoping she wants her dad to be there as much as I do. 

He said for me to call him if anything happens, and that he'd speed back down to Portland as quick as he possibly could (speed safely, of course). But I don't really feel any better about the situation, to be honest. Even though I know he's only a phone call away (And a 4 hour drive away...), I'm still nervous. I'm trying to be optimistic though, regardless of how scared/nervous I am. Vaughn will be back soon enough (not soon enough, who am I kidding) and then little Olive will be here. 

So for the next 3 days I plan on relaxing in bed, reading a book or two, and going through all of Pinterest. Oh and catching up on rest, because I'm sure I'll need it in the days to come. 

Frustrated..

Well, Doctor's appointment didn't exactly turn out how I expected. I have to wait until the 16th to go into the hospital. I'm going in Thursday night at 8pm and then they're going to start me on pitocin Friday morning. They're having me go in Thursday night because they're going to put some type of gel on my cervix to try and soften it up before they start the pitocin. Hopefully it works, since I am still...1cm dilated. Of course. 

When I heard my doctor say the 16th, my heart dropped. And no, not in a good way. I was devastated. The second I left the doctor's office I started crying, no..more like sobbing. It was pathetic and definitely not one of my most proud moments. I had gotten my hopes so high on having this baby this week that when I heard differently, it crushed me. This was not what I wanted. I know that's rather selfish of me but...I didn't care. 

Another reason why I started to freak out, the BIG reason why, is because Vaughn is going to be gone Sunday-Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. Pretty much he'll just be making it in time for me to go into the hospital. But, the thing that upset me the most, is that my doctor is planning on stripping my membranes on Tuesday. I thought to myself, "Seriously?! Are you trying to give me a mental breakdown?!"  

Because I've seen many women go into labor shortly after their membranes are stripped...And if that happens to me, I am going to be hysterical. I need Vaughn there. As silly as it sounds, I wouldn't be able to do it without him. He keeps me going, makes me strong. He's my backbone...and he doesn't even seem to know it. He thinks that I'm his...pfft, that's what I say. He has no clue how much I depend on him with this pregnancy. Also, he doesn't want to miss the birth. He's as excited as I am and can't wait to see his baby girl come into the world. 

I'm going to try and have my doctor NOT strip my membranes on Tuesday. Because if she does, and I go into labor, it'll take Vaughn about 4 1/2 hours to get to the hospital. And if there's any sort of traffic at all, he'd be there in 5-6 hours. I can't even imagine that happening.. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. 

But of course when I told Vaughn my worries, he instantly put me into check. As he always does. He told me not to worry about the "what ifs" (Which I have a horrible problem with, by the way) and that I need to take everything one day at a time. He also reminded me that stressing isn't good for myself or our little girl either (He seriously just melts my heart, every time). So that calmed me down quite a bit and I tried to push it into the back of my mind. 

So, 8 days left until little Olive comes into the world. I'm an emotional mess, of course. I didn't think I'd be this bad, but...heck, this whole pregnancy has surprised me. I'm extremely excited and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she sticks it out until the 16th so that her daddy can be there. I talked to her (Yes...I talked to her, don't laugh at me) and told her that she should wait it out until daddy-o gets home, because I know just how much she loves him and wants to meet him first thing. So I'm hoping that little pep talk got to her! Haha. I swear, I'm losing my mind. 

Anywho, I'll do my best to update when I can. It'll probably just be me ranting with a mixture of emotions,  but hey, at least it's something! 

xo, Jess.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day that I schedule my induction date. Nervous doesn't even begin to explain how I'm now feeling. Now don't get me wrong, I am extremely and undoubtedly very excited, but I can't help but feeling like it's all coming so fast... Which is completely crazy of me, since I have had a full 9 months to marinate on things. 

I guess it's just finally starting to sink in. Olive will be out most likely before the end of this week. My life is going to change, drastically, but hasn't it already? I don't know why I'm so nervous for the change, I've been preparing for this all along. I thought I was 100% emotionally ready for this to happen, but I guess no soon-to-be new mom ever really is. It's a hard transition to get used to, but I know it'll be more than worth it. 

I love Olive, with every ounce of my being. These past 9 months have been the hardest, yet most incredible, 9 months of my entire life. I've changed so much in such a short time, Vaughn as well. I think I'm the most proud of him though, to be honest. He's grown so much these past months and it's incredible seeing just how far he's come. He's going to be an incredible dad and I'm so thankful to have him by my side. He's been there for me, through hell and back, and our love grows stronger every day. I can't believe that him and I have our own little family. Him and I talk about it a lot, but it's incredible to think that within DAYS that time will actually be here. Finally. This pregnancy has definitely strengthened our relationship, our bond as a couple. As that song goes, "And I thought I loved you then". 

Okay, enough of my rambling. I just needed to spill a bunch of thoughts in hopes to try and get some sleep tonight. My mind has been racing nonstop since I realized that tomorrow is the day. Well, sort of. Who knows, I might be scheduled for induction the day after tomorrow! That'd be fantastic. I'm hoping and praying that things go smoothly. 

Well, this may be the last post I have before little Olive is here! I'll do my best to update when I can! 

xo, Jess

It's been too long!

Sorry that it's been ages since I last updated, I've just had a lot going on lately. My mom is here, has been for the past few weeks, and probably won't leave until Olive is a week or two old. When I went to the hospital 2 weeks ago, we figured she would be an early baby....Guess who was wrong! My due date is the 10th, and still, nothin'. 


Last week at my dr appointment my doctor told me that I have til our next appt (which is coming up this Tuesday) to have her and then we're going to schedule a day for me to be induced. I was rather nervous at first, since I've heard that inductions are NOT fun, whatsoever. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I've been 1cm dilated and 50% effaced for about 3 weeks now. I highly doubt that Olive is going to be coming out on time and without a big ol' push and a shove. She definitely takes after her father, constantly pulling my leg. 


I'm excited, nervous, and pretty much an all-around mess. It's weird that the end is finally in sight. I felt like it would never happen, since time seemed to be going by unnaturally slow the past few weeks. But, alas, the end! I can't wait to hold Olive in my arms, and be able to look into her bright eyes. I'm nervous for labor, but I'm more excited for the outcome. I just want my baby, and soon enough, I'll have her. 


I can't get over just how good it feels to be able to say that. She'll be here soon... I'm already in love.