Waiting.

Vaughn has officially left for Pendleton today, at around 2pm. And of course, I'm heartbroken. This is the first time Vaughn and I have been away from one another for more than a day. Actually, no, HALF a day. It's pathetic, I know, but I don't care. Vaughn is my other half, my best friend, my support. He's my rock- he keeps me strong, grounded. Without him I just feel...well, like a mess. 

On another note, that leaves 3 days til Vaughn gets back. Three days of pretty much just resting, 24/7, in hopes that little Olive will stick it out until Wednesday night. I don't think she'll come before he gets back but hey, I thought she was going to come early too...and that clearly didn't happen. She definitely enjoys pulling my leg, just like Vaughn, but I'm hoping she wants her dad to be there as much as I do. 

He said for me to call him if anything happens, and that he'd speed back down to Portland as quick as he possibly could (speed safely, of course). But I don't really feel any better about the situation, to be honest. Even though I know he's only a phone call away (And a 4 hour drive away...), I'm still nervous. I'm trying to be optimistic though, regardless of how scared/nervous I am. Vaughn will be back soon enough (not soon enough, who am I kidding) and then little Olive will be here. 

So for the next 3 days I plan on relaxing in bed, reading a book or two, and going through all of Pinterest. Oh and catching up on rest, because I'm sure I'll need it in the days to come. 

Frustrated..

Well, Doctor's appointment didn't exactly turn out how I expected. I have to wait until the 16th to go into the hospital. I'm going in Thursday night at 8pm and then they're going to start me on pitocin Friday morning. They're having me go in Thursday night because they're going to put some type of gel on my cervix to try and soften it up before they start the pitocin. Hopefully it works, since I am still...1cm dilated. Of course. 

When I heard my doctor say the 16th, my heart dropped. And no, not in a good way. I was devastated. The second I left the doctor's office I started crying, no..more like sobbing. It was pathetic and definitely not one of my most proud moments. I had gotten my hopes so high on having this baby this week that when I heard differently, it crushed me. This was not what I wanted. I know that's rather selfish of me but...I didn't care. 

Another reason why I started to freak out, the BIG reason why, is because Vaughn is going to be gone Sunday-Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. Pretty much he'll just be making it in time for me to go into the hospital. But, the thing that upset me the most, is that my doctor is planning on stripping my membranes on Tuesday. I thought to myself, "Seriously?! Are you trying to give me a mental breakdown?!"  

Because I've seen many women go into labor shortly after their membranes are stripped...And if that happens to me, I am going to be hysterical. I need Vaughn there. As silly as it sounds, I wouldn't be able to do it without him. He keeps me going, makes me strong. He's my backbone...and he doesn't even seem to know it. He thinks that I'm his...pfft, that's what I say. He has no clue how much I depend on him with this pregnancy. Also, he doesn't want to miss the birth. He's as excited as I am and can't wait to see his baby girl come into the world. 

I'm going to try and have my doctor NOT strip my membranes on Tuesday. Because if she does, and I go into labor, it'll take Vaughn about 4 1/2 hours to get to the hospital. And if there's any sort of traffic at all, he'd be there in 5-6 hours. I can't even imagine that happening.. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. 

But of course when I told Vaughn my worries, he instantly put me into check. As he always does. He told me not to worry about the "what ifs" (Which I have a horrible problem with, by the way) and that I need to take everything one day at a time. He also reminded me that stressing isn't good for myself or our little girl either (He seriously just melts my heart, every time). So that calmed me down quite a bit and I tried to push it into the back of my mind. 

So, 8 days left until little Olive comes into the world. I'm an emotional mess, of course. I didn't think I'd be this bad, but...heck, this whole pregnancy has surprised me. I'm extremely excited and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she sticks it out until the 16th so that her daddy can be there. I talked to her (Yes...I talked to her, don't laugh at me) and told her that she should wait it out until daddy-o gets home, because I know just how much she loves him and wants to meet him first thing. So I'm hoping that little pep talk got to her! Haha. I swear, I'm losing my mind. 

Anywho, I'll do my best to update when I can. It'll probably just be me ranting with a mixture of emotions,  but hey, at least it's something! 

xo, Jess.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day that I schedule my induction date. Nervous doesn't even begin to explain how I'm now feeling. Now don't get me wrong, I am extremely and undoubtedly very excited, but I can't help but feeling like it's all coming so fast... Which is completely crazy of me, since I have had a full 9 months to marinate on things. 

I guess it's just finally starting to sink in. Olive will be out most likely before the end of this week. My life is going to change, drastically, but hasn't it already? I don't know why I'm so nervous for the change, I've been preparing for this all along. I thought I was 100% emotionally ready for this to happen, but I guess no soon-to-be new mom ever really is. It's a hard transition to get used to, but I know it'll be more than worth it. 

I love Olive, with every ounce of my being. These past 9 months have been the hardest, yet most incredible, 9 months of my entire life. I've changed so much in such a short time, Vaughn as well. I think I'm the most proud of him though, to be honest. He's grown so much these past months and it's incredible seeing just how far he's come. He's going to be an incredible dad and I'm so thankful to have him by my side. He's been there for me, through hell and back, and our love grows stronger every day. I can't believe that him and I have our own little family. Him and I talk about it a lot, but it's incredible to think that within DAYS that time will actually be here. Finally. This pregnancy has definitely strengthened our relationship, our bond as a couple. As that song goes, "And I thought I loved you then". 

Okay, enough of my rambling. I just needed to spill a bunch of thoughts in hopes to try and get some sleep tonight. My mind has been racing nonstop since I realized that tomorrow is the day. Well, sort of. Who knows, I might be scheduled for induction the day after tomorrow! That'd be fantastic. I'm hoping and praying that things go smoothly. 

Well, this may be the last post I have before little Olive is here! I'll do my best to update when I can! 

xo, Jess

It's been too long!

Sorry that it's been ages since I last updated, I've just had a lot going on lately. My mom is here, has been for the past few weeks, and probably won't leave until Olive is a week or two old. When I went to the hospital 2 weeks ago, we figured she would be an early baby....Guess who was wrong! My due date is the 10th, and still, nothin'. 


Last week at my dr appointment my doctor told me that I have til our next appt (which is coming up this Tuesday) to have her and then we're going to schedule a day for me to be induced. I was rather nervous at first, since I've heard that inductions are NOT fun, whatsoever. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I've been 1cm dilated and 50% effaced for about 3 weeks now. I highly doubt that Olive is going to be coming out on time and without a big ol' push and a shove. She definitely takes after her father, constantly pulling my leg. 


I'm excited, nervous, and pretty much an all-around mess. It's weird that the end is finally in sight. I felt like it would never happen, since time seemed to be going by unnaturally slow the past few weeks. But, alas, the end! I can't wait to hold Olive in my arms, and be able to look into her bright eyes. I'm nervous for labor, but I'm more excited for the outcome. I just want my baby, and soon enough, I'll have her. 


I can't get over just how good it feels to be able to say that. She'll be here soon... I'm already in love. 

36 weeks

I have thankfully made it to 36 weeks, and I couldn't be any happier! Well...as happy as an 8 months pregnant woman can be anyway. My doctor was surprised that I haven't gone into labor yet, and so am I. 
This month has been very stressful for me, but I'm doing my best to remain relaxed and take everything one day at a time. That's all anyone can do, right?


Oh, some more news (sorry if it's tmi!). At my doctor's appt last Tuesday she checked my cervix and...was able to feel Olive's little ol' head! Apparently those contractions that I got back in Pendleton did enough damage to open up my cervix a little bit. Not a full centimeter yet, but getting close! Unfortunately it doesn't give us any more information on when Olive will be arriving. 
Also, tmi again, my mucus plug came out yesterday. Yes, I noticed it, unfortunately. It wasn't as gross as I had been expecting, but still, ew! Again, just another thing leading up to labor. But it's still a total "Yahoo!" in my book, because that means my body is progressing! Slowly, but surely. 


I think she's going to be an early one. I don't want to assume or make a prediction, but it's hard not to! Especially when all these signs are showing up. For example, had more contractions today, but they went away as quickly as they had came. Which is fine by me, Olive can stay in a few more weeks. Can't say there won't be any complaints though! Especially with this wretched heat lately haha. 


Anywho, here's my list for week 36!


- Craving fruits and vegetables, that's it (No complaints here!)
- She's still moving a bunch, just less kicks and more rolls
- Got a wonderful baby package in from my friend Amanda, I was extremely surprised and thankful!
- Having a hard time moving or doing pretty much anything
- She has officially dropped! 
- Bathroom trips galore now, urgh.
- Still as swollen as ever, especially my feet. Poor things.
- Can barely eat a decent sized meal anymore, so, tiny meals it is.
- I have gained 35-40lbs now, even though I barely eat anything but fruits and vegetables. Darn!
- Oh and finally can breathe again! Yippee! 


That's all I have so far. I'm excited for my appointment next Tuesday with my obgyn, hopefully she'll have more good news about my progress! :-) 

34 weeks

Oh and I almost forgot! I am now 34w2d, so I suppose I should do a pregnancy update. So here it goes:

- I'm lightheaded, dizzy and about to pass out pretty much 24/7 

- I officially don't fit into anything, literally

- Heartburn, heartburn, heartburn!

- Coffee cravings like no other

- All I want to do is sleep..all day, every day.

- Have been getting a lot of labor dreams lately

- I'm nervous, and excited. And nervous some more.

- Olive absolutely LOVES Vaughn's funky music- she dances around like crazy!

- Getting more BH contractions- getting closer!

Things to do for baby Olive:

- Wash baby clothes

- Move to downstairs room, eventually

- Find pediatrician**** I need to do this ASAP. 

- Pass in paper for the hospital at my next appt on 7/10.

About a month left until my precious little baby girl is in my arms. I am more than excited. 

33 1/2 weeks

So I've decided that I'm going to start posting about my pregnancy each week, just for when I can't remember this stuff anymore. I didn't think I could ever forget any of it...but trust me, you do. Some people that are a few months behind me ask when I started feeling her kick, move, hiccup, etc, and I can never give them a definite answer! It's horrible, because it makes me feel like a bad mother. Which I know isn't the case, but me being my emotional self lately...well, you get the picture.

Anywho, here it goes! Here are little tidbits about this week

- My feet, hands, ankles and I'm pretty sure my face too, have all become SUPER swollen.
- Had to take my rings off last week
- I cried when I took my rings off...I haven't taken them off in over 5 years.
- I've been even more hormonal than I usually am lately
- Still craving fruit. Lots and lots of fruit.
- Drinking TONS of milk..I can't help myself!
- Getting a bunch of swift kicks in my ribs lately
- Olive usually gets hiccups anywhere from 3-5 times a day, especially in the morning.
- Heartburn like crazy! Tums have become my best friend.
- Can't fit into ANY of my pre-pregnancy clothes- makes me rather sad.
- Lots of movement throughout the day. My favorite part of being pregnant, hands down :-)
- Her favorite way to lay is diagonally, head down, butt jutting out. (Hopefully she gets into position soon!)
- BH contractions still. Not as much as when I was 30 weeks though, which is a plus!

That's all I have so far. Stay tuned for next weeks tidbits!

7 more weeks

Seven more weeks until Olive is brought into this world. Is it wrong to say that I'm absolutely terrified?

I have a million questions racing through my head each time I think about it, "Will I be a good mother?" "Will it come naturally for me?" "Am I going to be able to cope with this extreme life change?" "Will my relationship with Vaughn change?" "Is she going to be a "good" baby?" (I put "good" because all babies are technically good, just some are a little more demanding than others) "What if I don't feel that instant bond with her?" 


Now don't get me wrong, I am extremely blessed to be having Olive. I am very thankful that God gave me this opportunity, especially since I didn't think I could even have children (Thanks to doctor's assumptions). Olive is a miracle and I thank God every day that she is healthy and growing bigger each day. 

I know my life is going to be full of joy and most likely an excess amount of love, but I can't help feeling a bit sad as well. No one is prepared for motherhood. There are no "How To's" or "Motherhood For Dummies", it doesn't work like that. Each child is different, each mother is different, each family is different. I've always wanted to be a mother, but I feel like it all happens so fast! 
One minute- you find out you're pregnant, the next- the baby is born. It literally feels like these past 33 weeks have flown by in the blink of an eye...as if I wasn't paying attention enough to notice. But I was. I cherish every little kick, every hiccup (Which she gets many times, daily), every roll, every swift kick in the rib (Even though it's not too pleasant). 

To any new mother out there, all I need to say is this: Love and record every moment, because the moments are all that matters.