Frustrated..

Well, Doctor's appointment didn't exactly turn out how I expected. I have to wait until the 16th to go into the hospital. I'm going in Thursday night at 8pm and then they're going to start me on pitocin Friday morning. They're having me go in Thursday night because they're going to put some type of gel on my cervix to try and soften it up before they start the pitocin. Hopefully it works, since I am still...1cm dilated. Of course. 

When I heard my doctor say the 16th, my heart dropped. And no, not in a good way. I was devastated. The second I left the doctor's office I started crying, no..more like sobbing. It was pathetic and definitely not one of my most proud moments. I had gotten my hopes so high on having this baby this week that when I heard differently, it crushed me. This was not what I wanted. I know that's rather selfish of me but...I didn't care. 

Another reason why I started to freak out, the BIG reason why, is because Vaughn is going to be gone Sunday-Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. Pretty much he'll just be making it in time for me to go into the hospital. But, the thing that upset me the most, is that my doctor is planning on stripping my membranes on Tuesday. I thought to myself, "Seriously?! Are you trying to give me a mental breakdown?!"  

Because I've seen many women go into labor shortly after their membranes are stripped...And if that happens to me, I am going to be hysterical. I need Vaughn there. As silly as it sounds, I wouldn't be able to do it without him. He keeps me going, makes me strong. He's my backbone...and he doesn't even seem to know it. He thinks that I'm his...pfft, that's what I say. He has no clue how much I depend on him with this pregnancy. Also, he doesn't want to miss the birth. He's as excited as I am and can't wait to see his baby girl come into the world. 

I'm going to try and have my doctor NOT strip my membranes on Tuesday. Because if she does, and I go into labor, it'll take Vaughn about 4 1/2 hours to get to the hospital. And if there's any sort of traffic at all, he'd be there in 5-6 hours. I can't even imagine that happening.. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. 

But of course when I told Vaughn my worries, he instantly put me into check. As he always does. He told me not to worry about the "what ifs" (Which I have a horrible problem with, by the way) and that I need to take everything one day at a time. He also reminded me that stressing isn't good for myself or our little girl either (He seriously just melts my heart, every time). So that calmed me down quite a bit and I tried to push it into the back of my mind. 

So, 8 days left until little Olive comes into the world. I'm an emotional mess, of course. I didn't think I'd be this bad, but...heck, this whole pregnancy has surprised me. I'm extremely excited and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she sticks it out until the 16th so that her daddy can be there. I talked to her (Yes...I talked to her, don't laugh at me) and told her that she should wait it out until daddy-o gets home, because I know just how much she loves him and wants to meet him first thing. So I'm hoping that little pep talk got to her! Haha. I swear, I'm losing my mind. 

Anywho, I'll do my best to update when I can. It'll probably just be me ranting with a mixture of emotions,  but hey, at least it's something! 

xo, Jess.