Olive, 3 months.

Three months old... Why do those three little words create so many emotions in me?

Another month of,
Growing.. becoming less infant-like.
Smiling, giggling and chatting up a storm.
Snuggling.
Yelling, just because she now knows she can.
Dirty diapers, spit up and drool.
Teething. Yes, teething. Crazy, right?
Blowing raspberries every 5 seconds ever since I taught her how.
Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.
Sucking on her fist, fingers, and anything else she can get her tiny hands on.
Walking! With our help, of course, but still.. Walking!
Tears... from me. Knowing that time won't stop for anything, not even my big, sappy tears. 
Love. Heart filling, undying and unconditional love. 

To my little Stinker, 

Yes, I call you stinker. Well, mainly just "stink". Which I know you'll hate when you're older, but that's okay. It's what parents do best, right? 
Anyway, I can't get over how incredible you are. Truly. You amaze me in so many ways. I mean, come on, you're already walking?! Where is my little baby going, because she's vanishing right before my eyes. Also, your little bottom teeth are starting to come in now. I love that you're progressing so quickly, but at the same time, I'm pretty upset. Not because I don't want you to flourish, but because you're growing at such a fast pace. Even your own pediatrician was surprised at how fast you've been progressing, which must be saying something! But please, if you can, slow it down just a tiny bit? I want to cherish every moment I have with you at this itty bitty baby stage, even though they are quite fleeting. 
You give me 10 hours of sleep, minimum, a night. If that's not crazy, I don't know what is. Since day 1 you've been the best sleeper, which I am extremely, extremely, thankful for. Especially since after those 10 hours of sleep, you wake up for about an hour, two tops, and go right back down for another long nap. It's great, really. I am truly blessed that you're such an easy baby. 
You're still exclusively breast fed, and you latch on like a champ. I'm glad we got the whole breast feeding thing down pat the day you were born, because that was one less thing I had to worry about. (I hope whenever we give you a sibling, or two, that they're as easy as you are! Seriously, you're the best.) 
You've starting chatting, a lot... Okay, pretty much constantly. But I love it, and so does your dad. He gets the biggest kick out of your yells, especially the faces you make. Oh, another thing he gets a kick out of? Your toots! (See why I call you "stink", now?) You have the loudest toots for such a tiny little girl. Every time you do it, your dad cracks up laughing. Most likely because he knows that you take after him in that department, which I'm sure you'll come to find out once you get a bit older. 

You are always so full of smiles and giggles, especially when I blow raspberries on your neck (rolls). Yes, you have rolls. But they're cute, I promise you. You also love to blow raspberries now too. You and I always go back and forth with that, and you love it. 
You're very much a mama's girl, which I love, of course. Not a second goes by in a day where your eyes aren't locked onto me, wherever I am. And if I'm not in your view... well, let's just say that you get a little crabby. Okay, not just a little. You pretty much have a full blown conniption fit. But it's okay, I take it as a compliment. 
You and I have a very, very special bond. At times, I feel like we even have conversations, without saying a word. You make me smile and laugh about a 1,000 times a day. And even now as I write this, you bring a tear to my eye. All because I love you so much, and I can't picture my life without you. You're my everything; the very beat in my heart. You gave my life meaning the second I held you in my arms.
You're my daughter, yes, but you're also my best friend. And it will be that way, forever. 

You are my heart, little one. I love you. 

xo, Jess.

Two months old.

Olive, you are officially two months old! Even though we just snuggled on the couch in attempts to get over this horrible cold we both have, I wouldn't have wanted the day to be spent any other way. You're growing up, so fast. I cherish every moment I get with you, especially on your most cuddly days. Because I know you won't be a baby for long, even though in my eyes, that's what you'll forever be. My baby. I love you Olive Jae, always.

Hair and eyes: Good news, she has more hair now! It's still pretty much peach fuzz, and so pale to the point where you barely even notice it's there, but it's still there! And it's still blonde. Not sure if it'll stay that way, but we shall see. And her eyes are still exactly like mine. Which I am rather happy about, since it's about the only thing she takes from me. Well..that and my grumpy face. She does that a little too well.

Weight: Still not sure about her weight since her doctor's visit isn't until the 15th of this month, but I can tell that she's chubbin' up. Quite a bit too. Looking at old pictures of her, I'm able to see just how much she's changed. It's incredible how quickly they grow over a 2 month period. I can't wait to see her at 3 months!

Height: Tall as tall can be. At the rate she's going, she'll be taller than her dad! She's already  out of 0-3 month clothes, because they are just too dang short. And the 3 month clothes are just long enough on her, so I'm sure she'll be growing out of those soon too. 

Diapers: Still in a size 1. Not much has changed in that department. Going through them like crazy.. But what baby doesn't?

Eating: Exclusively breast feeding still, but she's finally taken a bottle! We now feed her a bottle of BM once a day, just to continue getting her used to it. And you know what bottle she actually took? A generic brand, of course. Because those stupid, expensive Tommee Tippee's are clearly too mainstream. Oh well, I'm not complaining. I'll go for cheaper any day.

Sleeping: She's slept through the night twice now! I figured it was because she was sick, the first time she did it. But nope! She did it last night as well. Which makes me a rather happy camper, since all I've really been wanting to do is..? You guessed it, sleep. Being sick kind of screwed things up for a bit though. She was staying awake longer than usual, which was not fun. But now she's back to her normal schedule, 9:30-7am. It's a good stretch of sleep, and I hope it stays! Still co-sleeping too, by the way. 

Milestones: She giggled at me yesterday! When I was playing around with her hands and feet. It was the most adorable thing I have ever heard (I'm only a little biased, I promise). This past month she has amazed me even more. She already has so many facial expressions and a sweet little personality. She is a momma's girl, of course. I think that's also partly because I'm the one that provides sustenance.. But I don't normally admit that, haha. When your baby is crying and the second you hold them, they stop crying.. It's literally the best feeling in the entire world. It makes you feel needed, wanted, and loved. It makes you special.

She's definitely starting to look more like me. Still looks a lot like Daddy-o though, but I'm not complaining. She is the complete opposite of him color-wise though. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pale as pale can be. She definitely takes after me in that department! We'll see if it actually sticks. 

This is one of my favorite photos. Vaughn didn't know I snapped this picture, but I had to. Olive was being fussy, and Vaughn was doing his usual goofy voices. He was trying to get her to calm down in his Donald Duck voice. You can see by her face that she wasn't so sure about it. 

I love my little family. 

xo, Jess.

Day Two: 31 Days of Being A New Mom

*I'm trying to play catch up since I couldn't find time to post yesterday. Too many errands and dr appts, and not enough time in the day to get them done.

My life has changed drastically since I had Olive, and without a doubt, for the better. But there have been times where I think "What if I didn't have her?" or "I really, really miss my old, carefree life." 

Then I think about it... Why do I miss that? 

The life where I was so sick of being single and not being able to have someone to love. To not have "the one". To go out somewhere and for as far as the eyes could see, are couples. Holding hands, lovey dovey, happy as can be, couples. 

The life where I was constantly feeling like I wasn't special. That I could never do anything right. That no matter how much I did, I could never seem to gain the acceptance of people. Especially my own father. 

The life where I was fighting a losing battle, against myself. I was never happy. It's easy to look back now and think "Wow, I had it good. Things were so easy- no responsibilities, nothing to tie me down. I was as free as a bird." Yeah right. My life was probably more chaotic back then, because I made it that way. I chose to not be happy. Even though happiness was the one thing I truly wanted.

The life where I felt like I had no purpose, no real meaning. That everyone had their special talent, or their "thing" in life.. I didn't. There was nothing that really sparked my interest for that long. I tried everything, from archery to debate team to cheerleading.. Nothing. I always felt out of place. The odd man out. The black sheep. I felt like a nobody.

The life where that "party lifestyle" did absolutely nothing for me. I hated it. I wanted something more. I wanted my life to be more meaningful, more concrete. Not just a life filled with endless nights spent watching people in a drunken stupor. That to me, is not my kind of fun.

My kind of fun is waking up to my sweet, blue-eyed daughter smiling the second we lock eyes. It's being able to spend the night watching movies and drinking hot chocolate with Vaughn while Olive plays and giggles in her swing. It's watching Vaughn and Olive during her tummy time, and seeing how much they adore one another. It's being able to come home from the gym, from anywhere, and knowing that I'll have two smiling, happy faces waiting for me. It's snuggling up with Olive while we're settling down for bed, and watching her be completely at peace.

These are the moments that I live for, that I've been waiting for. So.. why on Earth do I miss my old life?

I forget sometimes that, this is what I wanted. What I longed for. And now, I finally have it. I have a purpose, a meaning, a reason to wake up in the morning. My calling, is being a mom. That's my talent, my "thing".

Motherhood has changed me, molded me into a better version of myself. A happier version. A version where everything I need is right here in this house. And I am forever thankful of that. 

Now, my old life? Pfft. That's old news. 

This is all I'll ever need. 

xo, Jess.

Day One: 31 Days of Being A New Mom

Olive is 7 weeks today.. 7 weeks of growing, developing, learning. She's become quite a character already too. She's full of smiles, giggles and happy yells. Especially in the morning.

One thing about being a new mom is, patience. You need lots and lots of it. Because the first couple weeks aren't easy, even with an extremely easy baby, like Olive. 

She only wakes up once at night now, has been on a eating/sleeping schedule since she was 4 weeks, and is usually always a happy camper. 
But whenever she is cranky.. I get frustrated. Because if she's having a cranky day..nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to change her mood. Her cranky day consists of being fussy, eating and sleeping. And even when she's eating or sleeping, she's still fussy. 

And I never realize it at the time, that my frustration is irrational and that I need to be patient. That she's really not that bad. But hey, like I said earlier, I'm new at this. 

It's not easy to be patient when your kid just won't stop crying. No matter what you do, or how much you hold, hug, and love her, she doesn't calm down. And having a kid that isn't normally a fussy gal... Well, I'm pretty much at a loss when she gets to being a crank. And I get frustrated because I feel like I'm doing something wrong, that I'm being a bad parent. Even though that's not true, at all.. a fussy child just makes your brain go somewhat loopy. 

But, I've been learning to be patient. One step at a time, I suppose. On those rare cranky occasions I've been doing and trying different things. Eating different meals, cutting out different foods. Just to see if it's something I'm doing. 

I've also developed a routine during those days, where Vaughn tries different things for a while so that I can go off and unwind for a bit. It really helps, to be honest. Just being away for that short amount of time, 10-15 minutes max, is a god send. Because in that time I reevaluate things and try to come up with a reason as to why she's being fussy, that way I can find a solution. 

Working as a team is one way to definitely master patience. Because, as a team, you come to find the solution faster than just doing it by yourself. And, you end up not getting as frustrated and aggravated as you normally would. Which, in time, makes you more patient.

Olive's 6 1/2 week photos

Olive is going to be 7 weeks on Monday, so I decided to do a quick photoshoot! Because, as much as I'd like to admit it or not, she is growing so fast. Yesterday, she mimicked me. Yes, mimicked. I'm not even joking guys, she did it three freaking times. That's how I knew that she was seriously mimicking me. 'Cause at first I was like "No way is this little girl already mimicking! She must have just been yelling out in anguish at the ugly faces/noises I was making." But no, I promise you, this girl was doing the exact same thing I was. 

It scared the crap out of me, to be honest. And it made me realize, almost instantly, that the next time I blink it'll be her 1st birthday...then it'll be her 6th.. And so on and so forth. This brought a tear to my eye...Well, more than one tear.... But I don't want to come off too sappy. 

Vaughn always tells me, "Just think! In 6 years she'll be in preschool, in another 6 she'll be in middle school and in another 6 she'll be graduating!" Now I know that this excites him, because.. well, he's a dad. He doesn't get all sappy and emotional when it comes to these things, he gets overjoyed. How can he possibly be overjoyed about something that is taking our sweet, sweet baby away?! (Yes, I'm being extremely emotional today. I just can't help it). All the itty bitty baby parts about her will be gone in a measly 18 years.

Now I understand why parents (particularly moms..) cry at graduation. I know that my mom cried practically every time I hit a "major milestone". Well, even some minor ones too. Like when I drove off to Dunkin Donuts, by myself, for the first time.... She followed me to the end of the driveway, smiling, sobbing and waving like a mad woman. Now if that doesn't just melt your heart, I'm not so sure you have one! Because I know that seeing her cry, made me cry too. 

When I was younger I always just thought of my mom as an emotional mess- Since, y'know, she was always crying whenever I did something. For example here's just a list of firsts she's cried at, just for a good ol' laugh: First kiss (when I was 5 or something), day at daycare, day at preschool, day at regular school, day at high school, every single picture day*, school dance, first boyfriend, my brownie graduation, when I got my permit, when I got my license, first time I drove by myself, when I bought my first car, first time I drove to school by myself, prom, graduation, the day I had Olive, and most likely a few others I missed. 

(* My mom has taken me to get me picture taken since before I could even remember. Before there were school photos, she'd take me to WalMart to get them done. Then she'd frame the biggest picture and hang it on our wall at home. You could seriously look around our living room and watching me grow up... awkward stages and all.)

Now, this will probably seem absolutely nutty to anyone that isn't a mom. But you know what? It makes sense now. Crazy, I know. I always thought my mom had a few screws loose, or that she just had the worst tear ducts ever. But, that's normal after you have a baby. Every major (or minor) milestone is an emotional thing, because it makes you realize just how much your baby has grown. And with that comes tears, lots and lots of tears. 

Being a mom myself now has made me gain a lot of respect for my mom, as well as an understanding for why she was always as crazy as she is. Because she's a mom. That's just what comes with motherhood, absolute craziness. Because you need to be crazy to go through everything you do on a daily basis, especially with multiple kids. I can't even imagine how my mom would have been if I had any brothers or sisters! But I love my mom, dearly, and I always have. And whether she's crazy or not, she's my best friend. 

Now enough of my rant/speech/whatever you'd like to call it, to the pictures! 

And this gem just for blackmail ;-)  

xo Jess.

Olive, 1 month

(Sidenote: Olive is really 1 1/2 months right now, but, I figured I'd catch up and try to remember how she was at 1 month. Since, y'know, they grow/change so dang fast!)

Hair and Eyes: Her hair...Well, it's barely there. But the little that is there is definitely blonde. Like, blonde to the point that you can barely see it, blonde. And her eyes.. Man, are they BLUE! She definitely has my eyes, and I have a feeling that it's going to stay that way. 

Weight: I'm not too sure about her weight this month, since she doesn't have a doctors appt again until 2 months, 10/15/12 to be exact. But at her 2 week appt she had gained almost a whole pound, making her 8lbs12oz. Which I'm pretty proud of, if you ask me!

Height: Now, just so you know, this little gal is a darn bean stock! She was born 21 inches long, and already at her 2 week appt she had grown 2 inches, making her 23 inches long. Can I just say, holy cow?! This not so peanut sized peanut is taking after her father, clearly.

Diapers: In a size 1 already. And boy, does she go through them! She blows out her diaper in the morning, every single morning. And trust me, it's not because I don't change her enough, I swear. I'll change this girl and literally 2 seconds later it will be up her entire back or front. She is quite a violent pooper, so it makes sense. Her poop faces are the funniest things on this Earth too.... Is it weird that I find entertainment from watching my child poop? If so, oh well, 'cause I just can't help myself. 

Eating: Only breastfeeding still, since she is not a fan of the bottle. Heck, she doesn't even like her pacifier. She makes such disgusted faces whenever I try and give it to her, but once in a bloody blue moon I'll actually get her to accept it. But like I said, it is rare. She'd rather suck on her chubby little fist any day. 
Breastfeeding with her has been the easiest thing, honestly. She latches on with ease, in any position. She really is such a great and easy baby. 

Sleeping: She is such a great sleeper, and has been since birth. Thank God. This is one thing that I thank God for, daily. The first night we brought her home, she gave me 5 hours of straight sleep. I didn't think it'd last for very long, but, surprise! She gets to bed around 9pm and only wakes up once, at 4:30am, to be changed/fed and then goes right back to sleep until 9am. Then she wakes up to be change/fed again, and sleeps some more until about 11 or so. We are still co-sleeping though, despite practically everyone telling me not to do it. I honestly don't care what anyone else's opinions on the matter are though- She is a great co-sleeper, and neither of us move an inch when we're asleep. Plus, feeding her is a breeze while co-sleeping. 

Milestones: Since birth she was able to lift her head up, easily. But now I feel like I have a dang 1 year old! She is already holding onto my two pointer fingers and pushing herself up to stand. That and she can almost sit up by herself. And holding her head up? No problem. I can already tell that she is going to be an early walker, because let me tell you, she's determined! She, no word of a lie, will push herself up with just my two fingers for hours. And the entire time she has a big ol' grin on her face while grunting like a little piglet. It really is the cutest thing, ever.

She makes lots of noises, even has started giggling more. It's a hoot to hear the different noises she makes. I basically know what she's saying with every little grunt or happy yell, and it cracks me up. Especially when she's frustrated, that one... Bahaha, makes my day. Even though I'm sure she doesn't find it quite funny, at all. Poor thing. 

Whenever she wakes up, she is all smiles and giggles. Especially when Daddy is home. Boy does she love her Daddy-o! I love watching them together, it's makes my heart explode into a million little pieces. 

My phone is by far her favorite thing. Whenever I am taking pictures of her, her eyes are locked on to the target. She's even started smiling whenever I have my phone in front of her. She's gonna be quite the photogenic little girl, I can already tell. 

Standing up and bouncing, or just walking around, is her favorite thing to do. Again, especially with Daddy. She knows that when he holds her, he'll sing to her or dance around the room with her. Mommy is one big ol' bore though and only sits down to bounce her. But that's because Mommy is worn out and out of coffee by the time Daddy gets home from work, haha.

Note to Olive: You are seriously the easiest baby and I am extremely blessed for that. You are rarely ever fussy and even when you are, it never lasts long. Mommy and Daddy love you, so much. You are our pride and joy and we honestly couldn't picture life without you. Can't wait to watch you grow into the magnificent woman that you're meant to be. Love, Mom and Dad. xo. 


xo Jess.

Olive Jae's Birth Story and Olivegrams

Well, I have found time in my day to make yet another blog post today.. Shocker, I know! Anywho, I've decided that I'm going to try and write out Olive's birth story. We'll see if it actually gets published this time though, ha!

Olive Jae was born August 13th, 2012 at 6:03pm. She was 7lbs 14oz and 21 inches long. Now, little side note/funny story, when I finally pushed that little bean (even though she felt HUGE) out and they plopped her all slimy and gooey on my chest.... She pooped, on me. And not just a little bit here and there, I'm talking about a whopping 3oz worth, at least. And it wasn't just once either, she did this twice.The doctor's said that she was most likely around 8lbs or so before she decided to surprise me with those extra little bundles ofnot joy.

But, enough of that, back to the updating! My labor was a long, l o n g 24+ hours. I stopped counting after the first... 10 or so. It was no walk in the park, that's for sure. I handled it.. somehow, but inside I was one big mess. Especially since my worries prior to having her, y'know...the whole "I hope she doesn't come when Vaughn is away at Rock Camp" worries? Well, that very thing happened. Yeah, YEAH. I clearly have the worst luck of any pregnant woman. Either that or Murphy's Law just wanted to show Olive some lovin'. Either way, it sucked. That's the only way to put it.

Vaughn left at 2pm on the 12th for Rock Camp, and I went into labor at 8pm that same day. Now, you may ask, why was my labor so long? I'll tell you why. BECAUSE MY NURSE WAS THE WORST PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET. And most likely every other planet, as well. She was an old, grumpy woman who clearly did not want to be there. I waited until 11pm to go into the hospital, and they ended up sending me home around 3am. Why, you ask? Because the evil nurse said that I WASN'T IN LABOR. My contractions were 2 minutes apart, and all I could manage to do during the contractions was move my feet in circles and flex my toes (Apparently lots of women do this? So I promise you, I'm not that weird)

Honestly, after she said that, I was ready to kill. Literally, out for blood. The entire way back home (Mind you, it's a 25 min drive...) I was saying not so nice things about that nurse and how I was planning to sue the hospital AND that woman if I ended up having this baby at home. Yes... "angry" doesn't even begin to explain how I felt in that moment.

We got back home at around 3am and I tried to get some sleep (Since the evil nurse lady told me that they would go away once I fell asleep).... Which never happened. I didn't sleep a wink. The contractions got closer, pretty much less than a minute apart. And boy, was I in pain. There is still no way to explain the pain I felt. But I definitely do not miss it, that's for sure.

The pain was not getting any better and the contractions were so close that I told my mom we needed to go back to the hospital. The evil nurse lady told me to not come back in until my water broke, but I didn't care. I was in pain, pretty much to the point where I would have killed without question. No exaggeration either. And the worst part was that the supposed 25 minute drive to the hospital took a whopping 45-50 minutes due to traffic. Yeah. That sure was fun... Not.

We got to the hospital though, finally, and I was immediately admitted and hooked up to the monitors. I got the epidural not too long after that. But unfortunately, another mishap occurred.... I have slight scoliosis in my spine, apparently. Enough to the point where the anesthesiologist putting my epidural in messed up, due to my wonky spine, and I only felt relief on the right side of my body. At that point though, I didn't care. It was tolerable. Up until I began pushing.

*I forgot to mention that Vaughn got back and came to the hospital at 4pm, literally 3 hours before I started pushing. Thank God. Not sure I could have gotten through it without him. He was so supportive and held my hand through every major push and contraction. The entire process, pregnancy and birth, made me love him that much more.

When I started pushing, I kept pushing that epidural button every minute or so. Because even though my right side was numb to the world, that left side hurt like the dickens. I could feel every little thing. Especially when she crowned. My God, when she crowned.... Ugh, I don't even want to think about that, ever again. Let's just say, it was painful. And her head felt like a dang bowling ball.

But, she came out after about 2 hours of pushing or so. Can't quite remember, that last part was quite a blur to me. I was an emotional mess when she came out, of course. I underestimated just how much I would feel when she made her way into the world. It was incredible, and it wiped the entire painful slate clean. I was in love. It made my heart explode. I still tear up just thinking about it, to be honest. Yes, I'm a weeny, I know. But that's what comes with being a mom. Weeny-ness.

Being a mother is... everything. It's like winning an award, every single day. Or falling in love over and over again. And it just keeps getting better. Every moment I spend with her is a blessing. And watching Vaughn love her melts my heart. I love everything about being a mother. It was what I was meant to do in my life. And now that I have Olive, I know that my life will never be the same. She's my everything. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

And here's some Olivegrams, up to 6 weeks.

xo Jess.